for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
