Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Your dad touched me again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So many bounce houses so little time
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize