dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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