Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
