Porn is love you can see.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
