I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
