I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
