i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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