I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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