I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She needs sedatives and a leash
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
