why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
