you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
