is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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