Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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