the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.