Nicole vs. Life
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
