I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.