I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.