CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER