ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My ATM looks so different sober.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
