the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
