Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
