Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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