Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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