It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
