What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
