Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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