I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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