I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
