he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
