11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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