Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
