I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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