you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
