I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
