Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
FUCK WHALES
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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