I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
