just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
