Just fell off a train. Bad.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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