If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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