Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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