I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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