before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
