Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
