That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
