dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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