You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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