hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize