then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize