Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
