she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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