well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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