Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
NoShamevember. You game?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
