she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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