just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
