Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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