Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
