The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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