I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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