Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
