Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Randomize
