The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had sex on a roof
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
