Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
