PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
