Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
