New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize